I have been feeling a little overwhelmed lately because I am getting weaker and I feel like I am running out of time. I’m not saying I’m going to die soon but my fingers are curling more which makes it difficult to type and my speech is slowing down and I’m afraid I won’t be able to talk and my to-do list is still pretty long. I spoke with Mark about this anxiety I am feeling and he was brutally honest with me. He said, “Rosemary, right now you are living your life for your to-do list.” He’s right. I am living my life to complete my list because that’s what I’ve always done.
To be clear, my to-do list has nothing to do with things that are on my bucket list because I am very satisfied with the things I have done in my life. My list is about leaving a lasting memory for the people I love after I am gone, such as a personal letter or a framed picture.
I’m not sure why I feel so compelled to leave a lasting memory for those I love so deeply but I think I need to stop worrying about it. I was awake last night thinking about how I could whittle my list down and I think I have found my answer thanks to my oldest nephew Patrick Grimm. Patrick texted me a message this week that said, “My New Year’s resolution will be to communicate better with the people I love. I started early by talking with my brother and parents yesterday and texting my sister and you today. We think of you often and love you very much. Stay strong.” Pat’s idea is so simple and easy to do and I was making it more difficult than it should be.
Instead of writing a letter to everyone I love deeply, which is a lot of people, I need to just continue to tell them in person how I feel about them today and not wait until I’m gone. Most of all I need to enjoy every moment I get to spend with those people instead of worrying about leaving a silly letter or picture.
I love your New Year’s resolution and I think I will adopt it, too. And by the way, I love you, Annette, Maya, Jacob and Addison very much. I can’t wait to see you all during Christmastime. Thank you for your precious text.