God’s Plan

River

I believe God has a plan for me but last night his plan and my plan were not the same.

I woke up from a nap after spending my morning and early afternoon with two beautiful women, Heidi Hunter Altgilbers and Pat O’Toole, and my world changed from peaceful to turbulent. Everything seemed dark and I felt as if I were rushing down a river and couldn’t stop.

Mark and I had plans to meet friends at Fricano’s Pizza last night and I was really looking forward to spending some quality time with Chip and Colleen VanderWier and Joe, Sheila and Katherine Salisz but it wasn’t meant to be. Mark and I walked to the elevator two different times with our coats on but I just couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t stop crying because this disease sucks just like any other disease but this disease is affecting my body and my world, the world I love so deeply. Maybe if I didn’t love living so much it would be easier for me to accept.

As the pile of tissues grew on the floor I kept telling myself to stop crying so we could meet our friends, something I looked forward to all day, but I couldn’t. Poor Mark felt so helpless and tried to make me feel better but we both knew nothing was going to help us in that moment, we just needed some time.

After a while Mark gently coaxed me out of our bedroom and into the living room where the lights were turned off and our beautiful Christmas tree was lit and a candle was burning. We talked for a couple of hours and we both felt better.

I truly believe God has a grand plan for us, but He and I were not on the same page last night. I’m sure today will be a better day.

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13 thoughts on “God’s Plan

  1. Yes, God perhaps thought you needed a quiet evening cuddled in the arms of the man you love so dearly and loves you. Life can get crowded with people, events, and tasks. Sometimes we just need time to breathe in the silence and reflect. It is good to do his will. We will pray for a peaceful tomorrow. This disease is quite a challenge and there is no manual on how to prepare for it or deal with it. You have faced the challenge with much courage and strength, and yet you are human and we have limitations. Thanks goodness for friends, family, love and faith. May your tears be cleansing tears. Love and blessings! JV

  2. God did have a plan for you last night, it was to spend quality time with Mark. I am sure you talked about things that needed to be said. Gods loves you both so much. Hugs!

  3. Our prayers and thoughts are with you and Mark daily. You are a wonderful person, Rosemary, and we are privileged to have you share your daily journey with each one of us. Hope to see you soon.

  4. Sorry for your struggles Rosemary. I hope you and Mark enjoy your holiday time with family and friends…one day at a time.

  5. Rosemary;
    Sometime life does feel like a rolling river. But the sound of the rolling water is comforting and on the edge of the river is that pebble that is so sooth and shiny. If we all would just stop for a moment or two and pick up that pebble that traveled so far to get there and look at all the beauty that pebble brings, we might understand the beauty that God bring us.
    Gods plan is not always our plan as you said in your wonderful blog. Learning to accept it is the hardest.
    Sounds like Gods plan for you last night was most wonderful, being with the most important person in your life.
    Thank-you Rosemary for sharing.

  6. Huge ((((((HUGS))))))) God Bless you girlie !!!!!! Love you to pieces and your Blogs…..thank you for being so honest and willing to share all of your feelings with us…….You’re such a GOOD person :)

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