I believe God has a plan for me but last night his plan and my plan were not the same.
I woke up from a nap after spending my morning and early afternoon with two beautiful women, Heidi Hunter Altgilbers and Pat O’Toole, and my world changed from peaceful to turbulent. Everything seemed dark and I felt as if I were rushing down a river and couldn’t stop.
Mark and I had plans to meet friends at Fricano’s Pizza last night and I was really looking forward to spending some quality time with Chip and Colleen VanderWier and Joe, Sheila and Katherine Salisz but it wasn’t meant to be. Mark and I walked to the elevator two different times with our coats on but I just couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t stop crying because this disease sucks just like any other disease but this disease is affecting my body and my world, the world I love so deeply. Maybe if I didn’t love living so much it would be easier for me to accept.
As the pile of tissues grew on the floor I kept telling myself to stop crying so we could meet our friends, something I looked forward to all day, but I couldn’t. Poor Mark felt so helpless and tried to make me feel better but we both knew nothing was going to help us in that moment, we just needed some time.
After a while Mark gently coaxed me out of our bedroom and into the living room where the lights were turned off and our beautiful Christmas tree was lit and a candle was burning. We talked for a couple of hours and we both felt better.
I truly believe God has a grand plan for us, but He and I were not on the same page last night. I’m sure today will be a better day.