Dear God

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A couple of days after Christmas we all sat down to a nice family dinner. As I took my first bite of hash brown potatoes I suddenly felt so sad. I felt so sad because I love our family dinners but now they aren’t as wonderful as they used to be. I can’t converse very loudly or very clearly any more. It isn’t as comfortable for me to sit in a dining room chair for hours like it use to be.  At that moment nothing made sense to me so I asked Mark to take me into our bedroom where I could cry alone. Kelly, Corey and Bryan all followed but I couldn’t talk but they all wanted to comfort me. I finally convinced them to let me take a nap so I could regroup and my world would be better in the morning.

When I woke up I wrote this letter to God.

Dear God,

I should be starting this letter to you on a positive note but I can’t because I have to be honest with you. Last night I was really angry with you and this morning I am still angry. I’m angry because I’m not getting my way. Yes, I know I’ve been spoiled but it is partly your fault because you have given me so much in my lifetime that I’m not very good at dealing with disappointment.

Now that I’m getting weaker how will I deal with life? How will I function the way I am  acustomed to functioning? HOW WILL I DO ANYTHING WITH GRACE? I am lost right now and I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I feel so helpless.

God, I hope you know I LOVE YOU and I never stay mad for very long but I need some extra help today.

Love,

Rosemary

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13 thoughts on “Dear God

  1. All these postings express what we are also feeling. We too are helpless. We want to put bandaids on your frustration. Wish we could be with you each day.
    But we are “in the moment” with other struggles, and your postings give us the strength to “keep on keeping on!” We love you & pray for you (and your family)…..

  2. Dear Rosemary,
    Thank you for sharing with me. I believe the true believers in God call out to Him as you have. He wants every burden.
    My thankfulness goes out to Him on your visiting your beautiful 4 grandchildren in Dallas. I am excited to see the silly giggling pictures your sister–in–laws posed with you in Florida last year.
    I am thrilled with the new baby for Kelly and Chris and your entire family.
    I cherish each moment with you. Even the shower where we were both pretty much trapped in our own bodies across the room.
    I would have made our consecutive Christmas Eve this year if I had pulled through. But, in joy the rest of the house traveled to see you, except Ron who has been tending me.
    Seriously, the only pace I get out to is doctor’s and would love to see and hold grand babies. It is just too much and since I sat for IVs today they won’t let me do much alone time since October. Talk about withdrawal.
    Not even comparing my situation with you except to help you to write down or have someone do it for you. Thank Him for that beautiful ability to gaze on those beautiful children, grandchildren and that sweet husband of yours. You must admit this ability to gaze on such beautiful angels He set forth to you is astounding. That has helped me cope.
    I am counting the days dear friend when we will be able to sit and listen to music, watch a movie and just know His great gift that I believe he has blessed me with by calling you my dear friend.
    Wishing God’s Blessings and Love to You and Yours, Jeannie

  3. Rosemary, you live your life with grace and honor and so much love and faith. God will keep you close and help you over this hurdle. Thank you so much for sharing your struggle. Every time you share your vulnerability you show the rest of us how we should be living our lives. You are an inspiration and I love you so much. Prayers are always coming your way for you, Mark, the kids and grandkids. Love and prayers my dear friend.

  4. Because he is God, he understands your anger, frustrations, disappointments, and feelings of sadness. Remember how he felt when his good friend Lazarus died. He wept. It would be impossible to not feel the way you do. You have had very few days feeling angry which is quite a tribute to your character since we are all a broken people. Keep being honest in your prayers Rosemary, because he is the most faithful friend you will ever have. Praying for strength, peace, and healing. “BE STill and Know that I Am God”………………………..

  5. Oh, how I feel for you Rosemary. It brings tears to my eyes to read your post today. I have been praying for you and your family,daily. God sees how faithful you have been and what an inspiration you have be to your family and to those of us that have had the honor of reading your blog. Thank you for sharing. I pray that God continues to comfort you, especially now that you say things are getting more difficult. You truly are a great inspiration to each and everyone of us. May you continue always feel the peace and love of God.

  6. I’m picturing God holding you on His lap and drying away your tears. You’re completely enfolded in His arms and He’s whispering words of comfort. He’s crying with you because it hurts Him to watch you suffer. He understands your pain and loves your openness and honesty about your feelings. You are so precious to Him.

  7. Dear God… Please be with Rosemary, guide her, give her strength and understanding. We mere humans don’t understand so many things in our world but we pray YOU will help us TO understand, please God, be with Rosemary and her family – they all need You right now. So many questions of the not knowing please wrap your warmth around them and give them peace and Your love.

    1. Rosemary, you are an example of God’s miracle of grace. So many of us are praying for you daily. Thank you for your courage and faithfulness. You are such a wonderful inspiration to all of us.

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