A couple of days after Christmas we all sat down to a nice family dinner. As I took my first bite of hash brown potatoes I suddenly felt so sad. I felt so sad because I love our family dinners but now they aren’t as wonderful as they used to be. I can’t converse very loudly or very clearly any more. It isn’t as comfortable for me to sit in a dining room chair for hours like it use to be. At that moment nothing made sense to me so I asked Mark to take me into our bedroom where I could cry alone. Kelly, Corey and Bryan all followed but I couldn’t talk but they all wanted to comfort me. I finally convinced them to let me take a nap so I could regroup and my world would be better in the morning.
When I woke up I wrote this letter to God.
I should be starting this letter to you on a positive note but I can’t because I have to be honest with you. Last night I was really angry with you and this morning I am still angry. I’m angry because I’m not getting my way. Yes, I know I’ve been spoiled but it is partly your fault because you have given me so much in my lifetime that I’m not very good at dealing with disappointment.
Now that I’m getting weaker how will I deal with life? How will I function the way I am acustomed to functioning? HOW WILL I DO ANYTHING WITH GRACE? I am lost right now and I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I feel so helpless.
God, I hope you know I LOVE YOU and I never stay mad for very long but I need some extra help today.