I feel like I am possessed with many personalities since having this disease and yesterday I was Frustrated Rosemary.
Last night Corey brought Bevan to Muskegon to meet our family for the first time and to meet Harrison. It also happened to be Bevan’s birthday so we had a lot to celebrate. After they arrived and everyone was getting comfortable I was getting frustrated because my speech is declining and I can’t entertain like I used to. It was always my job to take charge of the room and our guests and to help make them feel comfortable. I always made sure music was playing in the background to help set the mood in the room. I loved engaging in conversations that let our guests have an opportunity to tell their story so we could learn more about them. But because I am becoming speechless and helpless I can no longer run the show and it makes me mad. My family does a beautiful job entertaining but last night I just wanted my old job back.
I wanted to be toasting with everyone and crying as I gave a sentimental speech welcoming Bevan to our home. I miss making sure the lights are turned down low and there are candles burning on the table to give a perfect glow to our dining room even if we are having pizza on paper plates. I miss making sure everyone has had enough to eat and drink and I even miss clearing the table so the beautiful gluten free birthday cupcakes Kelly ordered special for Bevan could shine bright as we sang “Happy Birthday.”
But yesterday was a weepy day for me where I started off my morning crying with my friends Patti, Colleen, Mary and Maria and I ended my night crying in our bedroom with Mark because it’s not my job any more.
Today is already a better day for me so I will concentrate on the jobs I can do and just enjoy being with my family.