It’s evening and I just woke up from a three hour nap. Actually I just scared the shit out of Mark because I was choking. I quickly gained my physical composer but not my mental. As I sat on the couch crying next to Mark I felt so much grief. Even though Mark tried to console me I was struggling and I didn’t want to ruin his night so I decided to write.
Writing has helped me handle this mind-blowing disease but it is getting tougher for both Mark and I. It’s getting harder because my legs are getting weaker and my speech is barely understandable. I’m choking more frequently which can be scary to everyone present. It’s getting tougher because sometimes we test each other’s patience.
Right now one of my biggest obstacles is declining some social events. I know this may sound trivial and I should be more concerned with more important things like walking, talking and choking but it’s not trivial to me. My mind is still wanting to do everything but my body and Mark just want me to be reasonable and safe. I hate to give in to this shitty disease and let it alter our social life but I guess it’s time. I guess it’s time to compromise.